Surely when you were young you were taught that you must not contradict your parents, relatives and teachers, am I right? That idea may have become entrenched and become unconscious of trying always to please others to avoid confrontations, rejection, or the feeling of guilt for hurting someone’s feelings will.

Many were educated us on the idea that we should always try to meet and prioritize others, that it was wrong putting our own needs above those of others, and when someone said something we did not like we had to be silent.

But along with the education received, there are also other factors that determine that you do not usually behave assertively.

1. Because you have low self-esteem and self-confidence

The lack of assertiveness is a vicious circle, when you are not assertive you probably feel less valuable to see how constantly trample your rights, you become a person even less assertive in the future.

Remember that when you do not defend your rights or express your emotions, you are inviting others to treat you the same way.

2. For the meaning of certain stereotypes in your life

Some roles are directly related to non-assertive behaviors, such as certain jobs low level and the traditional role of women in some cultures. In many places there is still the stereotype that women should be submissive while men should be aggressive.

The paradox is that we pressed ourselves to act as the role they are supposed to carry at all times: most of us are more passive and less assertive than before the CEO against the colleague with whom we share table.

3. Because you are stressed or nervous

When you’re stressed it is normal to feel you are losing control of your life. In those situations you can act without thinking and end up expressing emotions very aggressively or even extremely passive, as if nothing had and importance.

This behavior, again, feed the feeling of anxiety and likely cause rejection in the other, and so the vicious circle back to feed.

4. Your personality type

Many people believed to have been born more aggressive or more passive and that there is nothing they can do to change it.

This statement is not entirely correct. Although it is likely that there is a natural tendency to react in one way or another, everyone can learn to be more assertive.

5. On your previous experiences

As I mentioned at the beginning, many people learned to respond assertively not by imitating the behavior of their parents, friends or reference roles. If you’ve ever been around you helpful and accommodating, or aggressive and hostile people, it is difficult to learn to react differently.

The first step to becoming more assertive is to know the source of the problem.